I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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