She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
