Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
