o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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