Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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