WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
