Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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