do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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