____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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