I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
