She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
