and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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