I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
