Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So vagazzling was a success
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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