dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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