Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
