My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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