i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I look better un-naked...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
