i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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