his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
