I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
