So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole a fireplace last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
