Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
