I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
