well I can't set my house on fire every night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
