it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
