If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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