Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
