And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
