i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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