How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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