I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she looked like the before picture.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
