it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
