I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
