just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
