I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
