Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
be right there i have to get my cape
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
