Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
