I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
