fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
