What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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