Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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