if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
