you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
