I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
