I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
