I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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