If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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