Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
