Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
