Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
