You just made me feel so damn special
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
