I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
